Things just aren't very simple

Really, they aren't.

See, this youth ministry thing seems to have a lot more decision making than I would have thought. And it seems like every decision has the potential to hurt somebody. I don't wanna hurt anybody. But I do want to do the right thing, and the things that feel best to me.

I feel like if I try and change anything, people take that as criticism. (Then again, everything I do gets criticised. I know it shouldn't matter, but being told the meals I cook are too fancy, or the program is too plain...I dunno, I just don't get why people have to say those things. I'm different from Guy, ok? I don't have the patience to put a million little coloured pictures in the youth program. So what? Does it really matter enough to complain about? I can't live with myself if i feed people shit. It's one of my oh so frustrating quirks i guess. Why make an issue out of it? If i take the kids to a strip club, that's a problem. If no one is coming to youth group because it is so boring, tell me. Constructive criticism = fine. If the rest is a big deal, shut up and offer to do it yourself.)

I think that the youth ministry at Malvern has been great. I don't think it should stay the same forever though. Dude, that's why the church in Australia is freaking dying. That and the fact that we don't get persecuted enough. But I feel like people will hate me for even the smallest change.

Not to mention I want to make some big changes. And I'm not sure that people will like them. And i'm scared that people will be even less likely to want to be leaders, but should I let our standards drop just because of that? Surely not...

All I want to do is to help draw young people closer to God, and to connect them in a meaningful way to the church. And none of what I'm doing seems to have the potential to do that. But I have to do it anyway. Grrr.

OK, rant over. I do love my job you know :)