*to be read with a pinch of salt*

I hate that i have a life outside of work. things would really be a lot easier if i had no friends or family. and crushes, what a stupid waste of thought time. i'm sure there is a lot more i could do without that taking up brainspace. oh, and money. see, if i wasn't so insistent on buying food and stuff, then i wouldn't have to worry about money. more brainspace to use at work. i love my job, and it frustrates me a good deal that i can't do it properly.
if i had no desires, i'd be a much better youth pastor.

My walk

I went for a walk yesterday. It made me so happy, I have no idea why.
I went to Belair National Park, got lost, hot, gross, dirty and ridiculously destressed. Could have been the endorphins i undoubtedly released, could have been the time away from life, could have been the bible reading.
Which brings me to another point. I have started a Bible Gateway reading plan. Quite exciting. At the moment I am reading Joshua, and Luke. I'd forgotten how amazing the Old Testament stories are. My God performs miracles. It's just amazing.
I'm trying to read a psalm a day also, as well as reading other stuff as I can. But the reading plan at least means i get a little bit every day.
I'm looking forward to trying to care more for myself, physically and spiritually in the next little while. I don't have time for a nervous breakdown!
Now I am going to go for another little walk.

numbers

numbers suck. that's all i want to say.
i know i shouldn't base the success of things on numbers, but when they fall, it seems to be a good indication.
so when i'm done killing the youth ministry here, i'll become a full time blogger. yay for me. i freaking suck.

the love of my life...

When I cook, I feel like I am in control. Cooking is the only thing I am really successful at, which is why failure at cooking gets me so down.
Once I put my apron on, I feel safe. I'm happy. There is nothing I like more than cooking for other people. I love the planning, and the shopping, and then putting it all together. I love serving it, and making it look pretty. I like eating it too :P
I especially love challenges, like fussy eaters, or food for diabetics or people with allergies, or cooking on a budget.
Sometimes I think that the only reason I want kids is to have someone to eat the food I make. I'm sure that's not really the case...
I do wish people would stop worrying about food stressing me though. It really won't. The only time it stresses me is if I run out of time, and that doesn't happen anymore, not now I have no life :P
Yes I talk extra fast, and I get bossy when I am in the kitchen - that's just coz i am enjoying myself. And major malfunctions like, i dunno, my oven freaking breaking, yeah they will stress me. But I think that's fairly understandable.
So, yes, this was a very random blog. Not exactly sure what the point was...hmmm...oh, invite yourself to tea at my place anytime :) Anyone. well not if you are a crazy murderer. But I will send you food if you are a CM. I have a wonderful recipe for chocolate chip and pecan biscuits. Scrumptious. And I am pretty sure they will post well. :D

happy

I can't explain why, but I'm just so happy these days. I shouldn't be. i'm so stressed about both jobs, and my piano students are being painful and I have no social life, but none of those things matter very much. Right now all the little things just make me smile.
It's so bizarre, and completely out of the blue. And i have energy again! I don't know where from. But I am wanting to get up in the morning, and a day at work doesn't exhaust me like it used to.
It's very exciting. I can go back to cooking fun stuff for my tea i think :)
maybe it's coz i started reading the bible again. in that case i don't want to stop!

grrr

I'm sick of money controlling my life all the freaking time.
I am currently about $3000 short of paying all the bills this week. That's ridiculous.
One of them is really serious, and could result in something hugely bad happening. Wait, all of them are.