Joshua 1:5

"Panorama" or "Joshua 1:5" - by Rosalie c. 2007

I was a perfect girl,
In control of my world,
At home at work at school,
It was totally cool,
Life was no big drama,
Just a panorama,
Of smiles of fun of friendship
'Til i started to slip.

And now my hopes are falling,
My life is stalling
My writing's scrawling
As I write I'm bawling
So away I'm crawling
My burden hauling.
I can't bear this shame,
I can't take this pain.

Then suddenly life it got tougher,
My storms they grew rougher
at home at work at school
I feel like a fool.
Life was one huge drama
Just a panorama
Of hurt of pain of shame
Is this the end of the game.

And now my hopes are falling, 

My life is stalling

My writing's scrawling

As I write I'm bawling

So away I'm crawling

My burden hauling,

I can't bear this shame, 

I can't take this pain.

Is this just adolescence?

Why can't I feel your presence?

Jesus why have you deserted me, 

To struggle trying to break free?

I will never leave you or forsake you, declares the Lord...(repeats about a hundred times)

Well now I think I understand

I let go of your hand

I let go of your hand

I ran I slipped I fell

Stuffed my life as well.

But you never left my side

You did not hide

You loved you watched you waited 

Til I took the hand you offered.

And though my hopes are falling

And my life is stalling

My writing's still scrawling

And I might be bawling

To you I'm crawling

My burden hauling

You can take my shame

And heal my pain...

---

I wrote this song several years ago. It's not a particularly good song, but I like to listen to it occasionally to remind me of a few things.

First, I don't want to ever been in a position again where I am pushing God and others away. I have to be willing to accept love if I hope to be able to give it. I'm pretty good with this one really, but it's good to remember. :)

Second, hard times are a part of life. They will be worse at some points than others. I've been as low as being suicidal, but I've also had the most amazingly happy moments ever. Like seeing my precious baby sister for the first time. So yeah, things are really tough right now, but they won't always be.

Thirdly, God has promised me, as he has promised all his children, that he will never leave me or forsake me, like Joshua 1:5 says. Knowing that God is with me through this and all hard times, is the most important thing I know. 

I hope that when I am old and have dementia, that this is the last thing I forget.