Don't read this, coz it's dismal.

I feel so helpless. Not having a car I can drive safely (although I'm gonna drive it tomorrow, long story) is really horrible. I hate having to ask people for lifts, I hate that I can't go anywhere. I hate that people know about it and are trying to help. Well, no I don't hate that, I just don't want to have to be helped. I want to be able to fix my own problems more. I'm just so sick of everything going wrong. I just want some control over my life. I'm sick of being sick, and of going weeks without a hug. I'm sick of being the stupid one also. I'm sick of my work never being good enough for anyone. I really try hard, I try and try and try, but I'll just never be up to scratch. 

Back to the car...I don't get why everything crappy has to happen to me all at once. I hate the life I'm living. I hate that someone else seems to be in control of everything that happens. I know that God is in total control, and won't let anything happen to me more than I can handle, but I am scared of what's gonna be thrown at me next. What if everything just always gets worse? What if it never gets better? What if I never have a proper night's sleep again, or a depression free day? 

I used to have a way I could deal with this kind of stuff. It didn't improve anything, and I'm not about to start again, but it was something that made me in control, and took away the stress, and I want something like that again. Only a healthy method. Or hey, a hug. 

That's one huge thing I miss about being around babies all the time. Babies can always give you a hug. Except if they're asleep. 

I just want life to go away. No I don't really, I'm just tired and emotional, but I do want things to settle down. It's hard to not stress when bad stuff happens. I mean I know the flowers in the field and the birds are all good, and I'm trying to trust God, but it's so hard.