Can Only Go Up From Here

So I made the first move toward getting my life sorted out today. finally figured out my new uni timetable. And do you know what? Since I don't have to care what anyone else thinks of my life choices any more, I chose a subject about Gender and Sexuality. I wanted to do it, but thought people would not understand and judge me for it before. But now, I guess I can really just do the things I want to do. Tiny silver lining there!

But anyway, kind of exciting for me. Started thinking about study next year as well, it's good to be able to look ahead again.

I've been in survival mode for too long now. Happy to be trying to move on.

It still hurts like crazy to think about it all. I still can't believe it happened. But, I'm getting there.

Still need lots of hugs though :P

Treading Water

Living with depression feels like treading water. I'm scared to stop moving because I don't want to sink down again. It's exhausting.

Finding a church feels much the same. I just want to take some time off, and just be sad about everything that happened at Malvern. But I can't. I know that if I get out of rhythm, I may never get back into it. I came close t doing that before. Going to church isn't something that I necessarily enjoy all the time. A lot of the time it's really hard. At least when you're established in a church you know what you can expect, and you're involved. I know I should just want to go and worship Jesus, but I'd really rather mope around at home.

Meeting new people is exhausting. Being a part of new worship styles is exhausting. Etc Etc Etc.

I know it's really important, and hence I'm gonna force myself out of bed and into something slightly more stylish than PJs very soon. But I can really see why so many people fall away from the church. It's hard work.

Blah I'm pathetic, but getting this out of my system did help. Right, off to explore new churches. :)

February

Just a quick note to say WOW! I can't believe a whole month of 2011 is gone already.
It's been great, with lots of rest, partying and time spent with friends. One of my highlights was Port Vincent Scripture Union Beach Mission. It was fantastic to be a part of telling kids and their families about Jesus. We had over 80 primary school aged children, and the youth program got up to 25 on the last day, which was really amazing.
I also went to Port Lincoln, which was fun, and I really enjoyed meeting new people, catching up with some I hadn't seen in ages, and of course staying with the best girls ever, and a very darling little baby. I discovered that the TUNArama is all about tuna, and that apparently blinking your fingers is something only I can do.
I'm looking forward to the rest of this year, I'm sure each month will be just as exciting.

Love

All around me, people are falling in love. Quite seriously, I think they could write a Charmed episode about me, I think some misguided fairy has bewitched me, so that all around me find and fall in love. Unfortunately, the spell means that I will be forever incapable of finding true romance.

I doubt very much that this is true, but it's a storyline which matches how I feel some of the time.

Mostly I am so happy for my friends. Whether they are in the early stages of a friendship, and you can see that special sparkle, or whether they have been married for years, but still show the world they love each other, it's so sweet to watch. But every now and then, this little tiny part of me feels jealous. Occasionally, I cry just a little bit. Sometimes, I get worried that it'll never happen to me. I fear being single for life almost more than anything else in the world.

People say you should wait patiently, and that you should treasure your single years. I know in my head that that is true, but convincing my heart is another thing all together.

I'm sure one day it'll happen. It just seems impossible now.

So, I'll just continue teasing, and pretending that love doesn't exist. I'll continue to refuse to watch sappy romantic movies. It's my coping mechanism, and it's how I can continue this whole Happy Rosalie facade.

just thinking out loud...

Does it make me a bad person that I just texted youth groupians, really hoping that they are all naughty kids and have their phones on them at school? Maybe a little bit...

Summer is just around the corner...

I just love summer. I love mangoes and the beach and dresses and Christmas and everything about it.
I'm very excited about my 4 whole weeks of holiday. don't know exactly what I'm doing yet, but it's going to be beautiful. And hopefully free :P I wanna go camping. But camping in summer would be crap. Can you go camping at the beach? I'd like that. I think. I haven't been proper camping in a while. A long while. But whatever.
Then there is Port Vincent Family Mission, which is going to be amazing. Very excited about that. Probably mostly excited about getting to spend that time with my family, but also the telling families about Jesus part...
And I love summer fruit. Mangoes, strawberries, apricots, peaches, nectarines...yum yum yum. Oh, and plums!
Such good fun :D

Kids Club is Amazing

...just putting it out there :D

We have a team of the most incredible junior leaders and Kids Club assistants. Seriously, this Kids Club has been very little stress for everyone, and these guys are the ones to thank. I'm always amazed to see young people use their initiative, and pitch in and make something incredible happen! We only have like 6 adults, and it all works out, I just can't get over it. I can't think of an adjective that sums it up. Marvelous, amazing, incredible, fabulous etc etc. 

And the kids have been beautiful. Seriously, I've barely had to raise my voice at all. Well I did in the drama today yelling "Fire fire" :P Amazing kids.

Everything's gone so smoothly, we've been really fortunate. 

And I had an amazing night's sleep yesterday, so I feel great. Have to organise a couple of things for tomorrow, but that's cool. Just having a few minutes of break first lol. Might go check my frontierville or something...coz yes, I like to waste my time. Ah well. 

Jesus is so great. Things like Kids Club don't just happen, they happen with his support and guidance, and I'm just so grateful.

And yes, I know this sounds overly cheerful, but that's just how I feel right now. :P

You want a negative? Well, I smell all chloriney :P That's about as bad as it gets today. And i still have a headache from where I hit it the other day, but even that has a positive side, coz it reminds me of the doughnuts I was watching which caused me to hit it, and the doughnuts were yum and remind me of my sister, so really cool silver lining there :D

Love Jesus, Love life, Love everything and everyone. :)