Planning my wedding.

Transport - I am going to fetch a pumpkin from the garden, and hope that my fairy godmother ( I assume I have one of these, since I don't have a human one) will turn it into a carriage for me. Oh and i suppose I need 6 white mice?

Flowers - self raising.

Bridesmaids - well, I want pink dresses, so basically my three friends who look best in pink. i'll probably just go look through some facebook photos and see who has the most appropriate colouring. Also, no red heads. Or blondes, coz blondes are prettier than me, so if you're desperate for this role, better dye your hair.

Dress - Well, i'm only gonna wear it once, so maybe one of those disposable paper ones? 

Music - I know a great recorder ensemble who i can get for cheap. 

Location - somewhere with a pool. I'm hoping that i trip and fall in while someone is taping it, so that it can make Funniest Home Videos. I should maybe rethink the paper dress idea though.

Groom - Again with the facebook browsing... I'll just see who looks best in a suit. Or just anyone who has a suit already, I don't want to spend money on another one.

Joshua 1:5

"Panorama" or "Joshua 1:5" - by Rosalie c. 2007

I was a perfect girl,
In control of my world,
At home at work at school,
It was totally cool,
Life was no big drama,
Just a panorama,
Of smiles of fun of friendship
'Til i started to slip.

And now my hopes are falling,
My life is stalling
My writing's scrawling
As I write I'm bawling
So away I'm crawling
My burden hauling.
I can't bear this shame,
I can't take this pain.

Then suddenly life it got tougher,
My storms they grew rougher
at home at work at school
I feel like a fool.
Life was one huge drama
Just a panorama
Of hurt of pain of shame
Is this the end of the game.

And now my hopes are falling, 

My life is stalling

My writing's scrawling

As I write I'm bawling

So away I'm crawling

My burden hauling,

I can't bear this shame, 

I can't take this pain.

Is this just adolescence?

Why can't I feel your presence?

Jesus why have you deserted me, 

To struggle trying to break free?

I will never leave you or forsake you, declares the Lord...(repeats about a hundred times)

Well now I think I understand

I let go of your hand

I let go of your hand

I ran I slipped I fell

Stuffed my life as well.

But you never left my side

You did not hide

You loved you watched you waited 

Til I took the hand you offered.

And though my hopes are falling

And my life is stalling

My writing's still scrawling

And I might be bawling

To you I'm crawling

My burden hauling

You can take my shame

And heal my pain...

---

I wrote this song several years ago. It's not a particularly good song, but I like to listen to it occasionally to remind me of a few things.

First, I don't want to ever been in a position again where I am pushing God and others away. I have to be willing to accept love if I hope to be able to give it. I'm pretty good with this one really, but it's good to remember. :)

Second, hard times are a part of life. They will be worse at some points than others. I've been as low as being suicidal, but I've also had the most amazingly happy moments ever. Like seeing my precious baby sister for the first time. So yeah, things are really tough right now, but they won't always be.

Thirdly, God has promised me, as he has promised all his children, that he will never leave me or forsake me, like Joshua 1:5 says. Knowing that God is with me through this and all hard times, is the most important thing I know. 

I hope that when I am old and have dementia, that this is the last thing I forget.

Ephesians 4:29

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, about how we use our voices. 

There is a lady I know, who always seems to be using her voice for good. No matter how I feel, after talking to her I always feel better. On days when I fell like the ugliest girl in the world, she tells me I am beautiful, and when I feel like quitting, without knowing it, she says just the right words to make me feel OK again. 

I've never heard her gossip, or badmouth someone behind their back. She just gives love to everyone, regardless of who they are, or what they deserve. 

I want to be more like her. 

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. - Ephesians 4:29

Words like Knives

Feeling annoyed and hopeless and sad right now. Can totally understand why people turn to alcohol and drugs. Not that I'd do that, just saying.

Whatever you do! Don't!

Before i crashed my car, I was in love with this song. I listened to it about a million times. 

Then we took the CD player out of my car without pressing eject first, and so I lost my Shania Twain CD. 

Just came on I tunes, and gosh I love it hehe. 

Haven't we all felt like this sometimes?

She has some fabulous lyrics :P






Deep in Denialville
Tryin' a' fight the way I feel
I go jello when you smile
I start blushin'-my head rushin'

If you stand too close to me
I might melt down from the heat
If ya' look my way one more time
I'm gonna go out of my mind
Whatever you do...

Don't even think about it!
Don't go and get me started!
Don't you dare drive me crazy!
Don't do that to me baby!

You stop me in my tracks
My heart pumpin' to the max
I'm such a sucker for your eyes
They permanently paralyze
Whatever you do...

Don't even think about it!
Don't go and get me started!
Don't you dare drive me crazy!
Don't do that to me baby!

(Whatever you do, don't do that to me)
You got my heart under attack
You give me shivers down my back
D'ya have to walk the way you do?
I get weak just watchin' you
Whatever you do...

Don't even think about it!
Don't go and get me started!
Don't you dare drive me crazy!
Don't do that to me baby!

Don't do that-don't do that 

New Blog

http://searchingforthewillofjc.blogspot.com/

Just in case anyone wants to read it. Beware, it's pretty boring.

Friday Nights

I keep promising myself that I'll stop complaining on my blog...but just quickly, I HATE friday nights.
Realistically, I'm too tired to do any work. And I'm not rally much of a partyer/clubber/whatever it is that young people are supposed to do on Friday Nights.
It just gets a bit dull and lonely.
Apparently the most common day to commit suicide is a Tuesday. No idea how true that is. But I love Tuesdays. I get to go to Kindy, and it's my day that I teach lots of piano on. Then in the evening I usually cook or clean or watch a movie. Fun. Tuesdays are supposed to be alone nights. And they are the day before Bible study, and I love Bible study.
Saturday nights is youth, always fun; and Sundays is church, which is also great. That just leaves Monday, my sleeping/meeting night, and Thursday, late night shopping/I need a break by that stage in the week.
Friday day is always good, It's my whole day at Malvern, and I generally get a lot done.
It's just Friday night that's a problem.
All I'm saying, is that if anyone happened to know of a stamp collecting club that met on Friday nights...let me know. :P