Living with depression feels like treading water. I'm scared to stop moving because I don't want to sink down again. It's exhausting.
Finding a church feels much the same. I just want to take some time off, and just be sad about everything that happened at Malvern. But I can't. I know that if I get out of rhythm, I may never get back into it. I came close t doing that before. Going to church isn't something that I necessarily enjoy all the time. A lot of the time it's really hard. At least when you're established in a church you know what you can expect, and you're involved. I know I should just want to go and worship Jesus, but I'd really rather mope around at home.
Meeting new people is exhausting. Being a part of new worship styles is exhausting. Etc Etc Etc.
I know it's really important, and hence I'm gonna force myself out of bed and into something slightly more stylish than PJs very soon. But I can really see why so many people fall away from the church. It's hard work.
Blah I'm pathetic, but getting this out of my system did help. Right, off to explore new churches. :)
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
February
Just a quick note to say WOW! I can't believe a whole month of 2011 is gone already.
It's been great, with lots of rest, partying and time spent with friends. One of my highlights was Port Vincent Scripture Union Beach Mission. It was fantastic to be a part of telling kids and their families about Jesus. We had over 80 primary school aged children, and the youth program got up to 25 on the last day, which was really amazing.
I also went to Port Lincoln, which was fun, and I really enjoyed meeting new people, catching up with some I hadn't seen in ages, and of course staying with the best girls ever, and a very darling little baby. I discovered that the TUNArama is all about tuna, and that apparently blinking your fingers is something only I can do.
I'm looking forward to the rest of this year, I'm sure each month will be just as exciting.
It's been great, with lots of rest, partying and time spent with friends. One of my highlights was Port Vincent Scripture Union Beach Mission. It was fantastic to be a part of telling kids and their families about Jesus. We had over 80 primary school aged children, and the youth program got up to 25 on the last day, which was really amazing.
I also went to Port Lincoln, which was fun, and I really enjoyed meeting new people, catching up with some I hadn't seen in ages, and of course staying with the best girls ever, and a very darling little baby. I discovered that the TUNArama is all about tuna, and that apparently blinking your fingers is something only I can do.
I'm looking forward to the rest of this year, I'm sure each month will be just as exciting.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Love
All around me, people are falling in love. Quite seriously, I think they could write a Charmed episode about me, I think some misguided fairy has bewitched me, so that all around me find and fall in love. Unfortunately, the spell means that I will be forever incapable of finding true romance.
I doubt very much that this is true, but it's a storyline which matches how I feel some of the time.
Mostly I am so happy for my friends. Whether they are in the early stages of a friendship, and you can see that special sparkle, or whether they have been married for years, but still show the world they love each other, it's so sweet to watch. But every now and then, this little tiny part of me feels jealous. Occasionally, I cry just a little bit. Sometimes, I get worried that it'll never happen to me. I fear being single for life almost more than anything else in the world.
People say you should wait patiently, and that you should treasure your single years. I know in my head that that is true, but convincing my heart is another thing all together.
I'm sure one day it'll happen. It just seems impossible now.
So, I'll just continue teasing, and pretending that love doesn't exist. I'll continue to refuse to watch sappy romantic movies. It's my coping mechanism, and it's how I can continue this whole Happy Rosalie facade.
I doubt very much that this is true, but it's a storyline which matches how I feel some of the time.
Mostly I am so happy for my friends. Whether they are in the early stages of a friendship, and you can see that special sparkle, or whether they have been married for years, but still show the world they love each other, it's so sweet to watch. But every now and then, this little tiny part of me feels jealous. Occasionally, I cry just a little bit. Sometimes, I get worried that it'll never happen to me. I fear being single for life almost more than anything else in the world.
People say you should wait patiently, and that you should treasure your single years. I know in my head that that is true, but convincing my heart is another thing all together.
I'm sure one day it'll happen. It just seems impossible now.
So, I'll just continue teasing, and pretending that love doesn't exist. I'll continue to refuse to watch sappy romantic movies. It's my coping mechanism, and it's how I can continue this whole Happy Rosalie facade.
Friday, November 26, 2010
just thinking out loud...
Does it make me a bad person that I just texted youth groupians, really hoping that they are all naughty kids and have their phones on them at school? Maybe a little bit...
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Summer is just around the corner...
I just love summer. I love mangoes and the beach and dresses and Christmas and everything about it.
I'm very excited about my 4 whole weeks of holiday. don't know exactly what I'm doing yet, but it's going to be beautiful. And hopefully free :P I wanna go camping. But camping in summer would be crap. Can you go camping at the beach? I'd like that. I think. I haven't been proper camping in a while. A long while. But whatever.
Then there is Port Vincent Family Mission, which is going to be amazing. Very excited about that. Probably mostly excited about getting to spend that time with my family, but also the telling families about Jesus part...
And I love summer fruit. Mangoes, strawberries, apricots, peaches, nectarines...yum yum yum. Oh, and plums!
Such good fun :D
I'm very excited about my 4 whole weeks of holiday. don't know exactly what I'm doing yet, but it's going to be beautiful. And hopefully free :P I wanna go camping. But camping in summer would be crap. Can you go camping at the beach? I'd like that. I think. I haven't been proper camping in a while. A long while. But whatever.
Then there is Port Vincent Family Mission, which is going to be amazing. Very excited about that. Probably mostly excited about getting to spend that time with my family, but also the telling families about Jesus part...
And I love summer fruit. Mangoes, strawberries, apricots, peaches, nectarines...yum yum yum. Oh, and plums!
Such good fun :D
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Kids Club is Amazing
...just putting it out there :D
We have a team of the most incredible junior leaders and Kids Club assistants. Seriously, this Kids Club has been very little stress for everyone, and these guys are the ones to thank. I'm always amazed to see young people use their initiative, and pitch in and make something incredible happen! We only have like 6 adults, and it all works out, I just can't get over it. I can't think of an adjective that sums it up. Marvelous, amazing, incredible, fabulous etc etc.
And the kids have been beautiful. Seriously, I've barely had to raise my voice at all. Well I did in the drama today yelling "Fire fire" :P Amazing kids.
Everything's gone so smoothly, we've been really fortunate.
And I had an amazing night's sleep yesterday, so I feel great. Have to organise a couple of things for tomorrow, but that's cool. Just having a few minutes of break first lol. Might go check my frontierville or something...coz yes, I like to waste my time. Ah well.
Jesus is so great. Things like Kids Club don't just happen, they happen with his support and guidance, and I'm just so grateful.
And yes, I know this sounds overly cheerful, but that's just how I feel right now. :P
You want a negative? Well, I smell all chloriney :P That's about as bad as it gets today. And i still have a headache from where I hit it the other day, but even that has a positive side, coz it reminds me of the doughnuts I was watching which caused me to hit it, and the doughnuts were yum and remind me of my sister, so really cool silver lining there :D
Love Jesus, Love life, Love everything and everyone. :)
Friday, September 17, 2010
In other news...
Wow it's been a blog since I've monthed. That's literally the first attempt at the start for this, a possible indication that I'm over tired? yes, probably...
Life has been interesting to say the least. I've had some great moments, like my brother's 2nd birthday. We had a "Very Hungry Caterpillar" party, which was amazing. We had all the foods from the book, it was so cute. He loved the strawberries even more than the chocolates and stuff, so adorable.
Then a friend I thought I'd lost turned out to still love me, so I was like insanely happy for a full 24 hours. Like singing and dancing in the street happy. :)
Speaking of singing and dancing in the street, I was home one night and heard the fireworks from the show, so i ran down the street in my pajamas to try and get a good look at them. My pants had lost their elastic, so I was trying to hold them up the whole time, I must have looked ridiculous. But it was so much fun.
I've started trying to be honest with people when I feel crap, and I'm trying to get help before I slide all the way to the bottom of the hill. the previous sentence is my amazing segue from positive to not so great life events...:P
Work is incredibly insane. I love my job, but it is so wearing! I've been here for 13 hours today, and not got even half of what I should have done. I'm going home when I finish this though, coz I'm trying to be sensible and stuff.
My lips are still sick. It seems so trivial, but since my 2 favourite things are eating and talking, it sucks so much to have so much pain when doing them. And i miss coffee so much. I think I should cut out spicy foods next, but I don't know how i'll cope. I love my curries :(
So we've covered the good and the bad, now for the interesting.
I've been researching evolution vs creation for a youth group devotion. It hasn't really answered any of my questions so far, in fact it has been really challenging. I don't want to believe in evolution. For one thing, the whole concept repulses me. Probably just coz of how I was brought up, the idea that we evolved from monkeys makes me feel physically sick. Then, I don't really want to change my beliefs about this. I don't know why I am being so stubborn, I'm pretty open to new ideas normally. Well I think I am anyway.
And I don't even have anyone to talk to about it. Books are great, but the ones I have are so liberal, and I know people who aren't that liberal and who believe in evolution, but most people don't really care. I never used to.
It just seems to make a difference. If the definition of humanity changes, and the definition of sin changes, then wouldn't it follow that salvation would change? Maybe how I understand the world is all wrong.
I've never gotten so worked up about beliefs before. It's really horrible.
All I know is that Jesus loves me, and none of this changes that at least.
Life has been interesting to say the least. I've had some great moments, like my brother's 2nd birthday. We had a "Very Hungry Caterpillar" party, which was amazing. We had all the foods from the book, it was so cute. He loved the strawberries even more than the chocolates and stuff, so adorable.
Then a friend I thought I'd lost turned out to still love me, so I was like insanely happy for a full 24 hours. Like singing and dancing in the street happy. :)
Speaking of singing and dancing in the street, I was home one night and heard the fireworks from the show, so i ran down the street in my pajamas to try and get a good look at them. My pants had lost their elastic, so I was trying to hold them up the whole time, I must have looked ridiculous. But it was so much fun.
I've started trying to be honest with people when I feel crap, and I'm trying to get help before I slide all the way to the bottom of the hill. the previous sentence is my amazing segue from positive to not so great life events...:P
Work is incredibly insane. I love my job, but it is so wearing! I've been here for 13 hours today, and not got even half of what I should have done. I'm going home when I finish this though, coz I'm trying to be sensible and stuff.
My lips are still sick. It seems so trivial, but since my 2 favourite things are eating and talking, it sucks so much to have so much pain when doing them. And i miss coffee so much. I think I should cut out spicy foods next, but I don't know how i'll cope. I love my curries :(
So we've covered the good and the bad, now for the interesting.
I've been researching evolution vs creation for a youth group devotion. It hasn't really answered any of my questions so far, in fact it has been really challenging. I don't want to believe in evolution. For one thing, the whole concept repulses me. Probably just coz of how I was brought up, the idea that we evolved from monkeys makes me feel physically sick. Then, I don't really want to change my beliefs about this. I don't know why I am being so stubborn, I'm pretty open to new ideas normally. Well I think I am anyway.
And I don't even have anyone to talk to about it. Books are great, but the ones I have are so liberal, and I know people who aren't that liberal and who believe in evolution, but most people don't really care. I never used to.
It just seems to make a difference. If the definition of humanity changes, and the definition of sin changes, then wouldn't it follow that salvation would change? Maybe how I understand the world is all wrong.
I've never gotten so worked up about beliefs before. It's really horrible.
All I know is that Jesus loves me, and none of this changes that at least.
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